Life as I knew it...

...is different, but it's a good different.

Ya'll read while I was pregnant about my fears and anxieties about having a baby.  I couldn't imagine what a baby would do to our cozy lives.  My hubby and I were content, happy, peaking in our careers, social butterflies...and so on.  However, now I look forward to trying new crock pot recipes and choosing which cute nighty my little Evy Spaghetti will wear to bed.  Pathetic, right?  Yes, I miss the care free lifestyle we had, but I would never go back. I say that now, although ask me when she starts throwing a tantrum in the middle of Target or takes a sharpie marker and practices spelling her name on my brand new "off white" sofa.  (More on that bold purchase later.)

 I am enjoying motherhood more then I thought. The first two months were rough due to a slow recovery from a long and ridiculously torturous labor. After three months, I finally feel like myself again and can start focusing on other things besides how to get that yellow mustard poo off of my pants.

I've been a mom for three months now.  In those three months, I have learned a few things about myself:

  That when I have NO sleep, I chatter on about bunnies, 

jalepenos and hot Fox News anchors.
  

That I am more of a germaphobe then I thought. 

That I love my baby more then I ever imagined.
  
That I'm more patient then I thought.

That a smile from the babe will make everything better and nothing else matter.

Some have asked about Evy's birth story.  I will sum it up for you:

Induced on Friday night, had her early Sunday morning at 4 am.  Yep, it was long, painful and emotionally draining.  Three months later, I can finally look back at the experience and not cry.  Speaking of crying, the litle bean is bored in her boucey seat and needs some snuggles, kisses and some more kisses.

Be back soon my friends!

honest thoughts

I would like to be here right now, rocking my fears away...

looking at this view....

Lately, the fears of motherhood have swept over me.  The numbness of this pregnancy has disappeared. I was going with the motions...doctor appointments, ultrasounds, registering, nursery decor, etc.  Now I find myself thinking of the future and the reality that is ahead. 

I like my quiet and clean house. 

I like my morning routine in bed with my dog.

  I love that the hubs and I can just get up and go get a  Friendly's peanut butter cup sundae at any given time. 

I like my leisurely trips to Target just to "window shop" (or maybe spend $100 on nothing).

I love my long and hot showers where I come out with my body red and burnt. 

I could go on and on. I know, I sound selfish, but these are specific moments that I am soaking up lately.  I am trying to enjoy those moments without crying, as if I am in grief but I can't help it.  I blame it on the hormones.

So I take these anxious thoughts and pray....and pray some more. Then I picture myself in that rocker staring at the sailboats with not a care in the world. I know I will get over this but these are my honest thoughts at this moment right now. 

Now, off to take that burning hot shower until my skin peels off.