I would like to be here right now, rocking my fears away...
looking at this view....
Lately, the fears of motherhood have swept over me. The numbness of this pregnancy has disappeared. I was going with the motions...doctor appointments, ultrasounds, registering, nursery decor, etc. Now I find myself thinking of the future and the reality that is ahead.
I like my quiet and clean house.
I like my morning routine in bed with my dog.
I love that the hubs and I can just get up and go get a Friendly's peanut butter cup sundae at any given time.
I like my leisurely trips to Target just to "window shop" (or maybe spend $100 on nothing).
I love my long and hot showers where I come out with my body red and burnt.
I could go on and on. I know, I sound selfish, but these are specific moments that I am soaking up lately. I am trying to enjoy those moments without crying, as if I am in grief but I can't help it. I blame it on the hormones.
So I take these anxious thoughts and pray....and pray some more. Then I picture myself in that rocker staring at the sailboats with not a care in the world. I know I will get over this but these are my honest thoughts at this moment right now.
Now, off to take that burning hot shower until my skin peels off.